In the river of love, we always look forward to spending the rest of our lives hand in hand with that person, thinking that as long as we love each other, we can cross all barriers. But the reality is often more complicated than the movie, especially when the “three-year itch” quietly attacked, that once-hot emotions seem to cool in an instant, leaving behind endless confusion and regret.

I remember that it was an ordinary weekend, the sunshine through the curtains, sprinkled in our once full of laughter in the living room. He sat on the sofa, I stood not far from him, the air filled with an indescribable depression. We both knew in our hearts that the outcome of this conversation could be the end of our relationship.

“We …… might as well separate.” His voice was low and firm, each word like a sharp knife cutting into the already fragile connection between us. I froze, a thousand words welling up in my heart, but losing all verbal ability at this moment.

What I will never forget is what he said next, “It’s not that we don’t love each other anymore, it’s just that we’ve both changed.” These words, simple yet profound, were like a bolt of lightning that illuminated the essence of the problem between us. Yes, we have all changed, from youthful to mature, from passionate to calm as water, time has changed our appearance in silence, but also quietly eroded that initial heartbeat.

Thinking back to the days we walked together, those sweet moments seem to be in front of us. We traveled together, fought for our dreams together, and even chose to embrace each other even after an argument. When did all this goodness become less important? Perhaps it is because in the day-to-day life, we gradually lost our patience and curiosity towards each other, forgetting that love also needs to be managed and nourished.

In the face of such an ending, I learned the hard way and began to reflect on my own shortcomings in the relationship. Was I too dependent, forgetting the importance of independence? Was I too demanding of perfection, ignoring that everyone has imperfections? Or, is it that we have not learned how to create surprises for each other in the ordinary days, to keep that heartbeat when we first met?

There is a concept in psychology called “habituation”, which refers to the fact that after being in the same environment for a long period of time, people’s response to stimuli will gradually weaken, and this is also applicable in relationships. When the novelty of love wears off, if we don’t breathe new life into the relationship in time, it is easy to fall into the “three-year itch” dilemma.

So how do you find that warmth in your marriage or long-term relationship?

Often, the root of the problem is poor communication. We should be like friends, patiently listening to each other, but also have the courage to express their own feelings and needs. Remember, communication is a two-way street, not one-sided accusations and complaints.

Second, maintain personal space and independence. Everyone is an independent individual with their own interests and social circles. Respecting each other’s personal space not only enhances mutual trust, but also makes for a healthier relationship.

Further, create good memories together. Whether it’s a small weekend getaway, or cooking or watching a movie together at home, these seemingly insignificant moments are the ties that hold a relationship together. They allow us to find that heartfelt feeling we had when we first met in the ordinary days.

Last but not least, learn to be grateful and cherish. In love, we often tend to ignore each other’s good, and magnify each other’s shortcomings. Try to find one thing that the other person does well every day, to express gratitude to him, such positive feedback, will make the relationship more solid.

Nowadays, although we’ve made peace with each other, that experience has taught me many valuable lessons. Whenever it’s late at night, I still think of the words he said, and there is no more resentment in my heart, only release of the past and anticipation for the future. Because I know that every end is for a better beginning. And true love will not fade because of the passage of time, it will shine in our hearts forever.